12 Oct 2023 12:29 pm
Reflections after chapter 60
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cal1psoSai was Hikaru's other half, his soulmate, his most cherished person*, but he didn't realize this until he was gone.
Until the last moment, Sai was trying to find a reason to stay, he was clinging for dear life and it was not enough
He said goodbye but Hikaru didn't hear him
Hikaru never told Sai that he was loved
They couldn't finish their game and he's gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone go-
...
The worst kind of nostalgia is longing for something that never happened. I wonder what keeps Hikaru awake at night
Sai is gone but he is still here, he's no longer a ghost but he'll haunt Hikaru for the rest of his life. He's gone but they're bonded for life because Hikaru loved him and that's why it hurts so much, the scars his absence left will never stop hurting, but that only means that he existed, that he mattered to someone
Because he was loved, even if Hikaru only realized it when he could no longer say it.
*I think this is the first time i found a non-CLAMP fandom in where 'most cherished person'/'most important person' is the best way to describe a relationship between two characters
Hikaru loved Sai. It doesn't matter what kind of love it was, but it was true and beautiful and it HURTS
Because living without your most important person is nothing short of torture.
Until the last moment, Sai was trying to find a reason to stay, he was clinging for dear life and it was not enough
He said goodbye but Hikaru didn't hear him
Hikaru never told Sai that he was loved
They couldn't finish their game and he's gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone go-
...
The worst kind of nostalgia is longing for something that never happened. I wonder what keeps Hikaru awake at night
Sai is gone but he is still here, he's no longer a ghost but he'll haunt Hikaru for the rest of his life. He's gone but they're bonded for life because Hikaru loved him and that's why it hurts so much, the scars his absence left will never stop hurting, but that only means that he existed, that he mattered to someone
Because he was loved, even if Hikaru only realized it when he could no longer say it.
*I think this is the first time i found a non-CLAMP fandom in where 'most cherished person'/'most important person' is the best way to describe a relationship between two characters
Hikaru loved Sai. It doesn't matter what kind of love it was, but it was true and beautiful and it HURTS
Because living without your most important person is nothing short of torture.
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